My work focuses on helping you to open your heart; it is an amazingly rich and powerful experience that can help you:

  • Have a more fulfilling relationship with yourself, mate, children, friends and work.
  • Create your own sense of self-trust and well-being.
  • Give and receive love by being of service.
  • Resolve conflict that can get in the way of intimately connecting with others.

 

In the following situations, choose the response you think would give you better feelings about yourself and be most fulfilling.  There are no right or wrong answers.

1.  A sexual experience in which

A. your emotional involvement with the other person is minimal.
B.
there is an emotional intimacy.

2. You find out your teenage child has been smoking marijuana.

A. You tell him in no uncertain terms the problems associated with drugs, and that he should start hanging out with more responsible people and knuckle-down in school.
B. You let him experience your concern while offering your experiences and desire to talk about any of his concerns.

3. Your employee has not been following through on her commitments.

A. Hoping things will get better, you don't say anything for a while but eventually your frustration builds to the point where you get angry and "lay down the law".
B. In addition to trying to discover the very good reasons she must have, you ask for feedback about your management style.

4. You find out that your spouse has been lying to you.

A. You let him know that lying is wrong and unacceptable, and with increasing distrust you begin snooping.
B. You approach him with a desire to find out what's behind his behavior, especially regarding any of your behavior that may be contributing to the difficulty.

5. You are not happy with your job.
A. You do not pursue the career you might love because of fear that you can't make enough money at it, or that you aren't good enough to be successful.
B. You explore what kind of work would give you better feelings.

If you had difficulty deciding on your answers, don't believe that there are no wrong answers, or just want to learn more about fulfillment, read on

Closed or Open Heart

All "A" answers reflect a closed heart.  Hearts routinely close when we are afraid of losing something we are convinced we need for our sense of well-being, such as approval or a relationship.  The resulting protective feelings are hard and cold.  For example, the fear of losing a relationship creates jealousy, blame, depression or anger, and the controlling behaviors that follow which include accusations, yelling, hitting, criticism, and withdrawal are uncaring.  The fear of losing money creates greed, and the controlling behaviors that follow which include an insatiable desire to accumulate wealth or preying on others are uncaring. 

Although closed hearts produce many difficulties for others and ourselves, and never leave us feeling fulfilled, they are not wrong or bad.  Hearts close as a result of compelling fears.  Without that understanding, you're likely to hear yourself saying things like, "He's really a jerk," "She's really a bitch" or "I'm such an idiot."  Disrespectful judgements result when hearts close to closed hearts. 

The previous paragraph flies in the face of conventional knowledge and it is understandable if it's somewhat confusing.  But, respecting closed heart feelings and behavior is an important part of dismantling the beliefs and behaviors that leave us unsatisfied.  For that reason, it is a central focus of Fulfillment Coaching.

All "B" answers reflect an open heart.  When hearts open, soft and warm feelings, such as compassion and joy, flow naturally.  With compassion, protective feelings and behavior are never condoned or justified.  They are met with the faith that you handle whatever occurs.  Faith allows you either to keep your heart open in loving acceptance or, if a negative judgement is present, opens a desire to understand feelings and behavior until loving acceptance is reached.  Faith is the antidote to control.  Maintaining openness and caring, even in the face of difficulties leaves us feeling good about ourselves and allows for the two actions needed for fulfillment an openness to learning and being of service.

The Question

In any given situation, you may realize that you have responded with a closed heart and still choose not to open.  The negative consequences of keeping your heart closed may outweigh risking the vulnerability of an open heart.  That decision is understandable and respectable.  But, feeling the pain and sadness from that choice gives you another option.

Fulfillment Coaching is rooted in the question, "Is my heart open?" because realizing that your heart is not open, opens the possibility of doing something about it.  Although a closed heart is responsible for most of our dissatisfaction, we typically get stuck in the belief that others are causing our

unhappiness.  The magic of "the question" is that it offers the opportunity to emerge from the quagmire of being a victim and learn to find peace of mind without having to get others to change.

The Questions After "The Question"

Unshackled from the yoke of believing something outside of you must change before you can be happy, you can experience the personal power that comes from taking charge of your life.  In the ongoing search for finding greater fulfillment, an openness to learning will guide you to confronting questions such as:

  • What would it look and feel like to have my heart open? 
  • How is closing my heart responsible for my feelings of dissatisfaction or loneliness?
  • What am I afraid would happen if I keep my heart open?
  • How can I reopen my heart once I have closed it? 
  • What do I need to do to overcome the blocks to keeping my heart open more of the time?
Being of Service
Being of service is an integral part of the journey toward finding fulfillment.

Conflict Resolution
For most people, the word "conflict" conjures up many negative thoughts and feelings relating to war or battles, being wounded or losing.

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© Copyright 2010. Dr Jordan Paul